Was that my future that just went by?
Since Covid19 … that’s how I feel. Lots of things have changed and I no longer have the distractions to escape all the feelings that come up. Relationships come more into the focus and I find myself examining them more, and my role in particular. I think, I have always been stuck to a certain degree, putting others needs ahead of my own, but that was my choice most of the time. Now, it’s a pattern. I find it hard to say, ‘no’, and when I do … I feel guilty, because I want to do other things for myself, but nobody is objecting, it’s just me.. I’m calculating the years ahead of me and they are getting less. Being a mum, you’re not programmed to be selfish.
I want to help and not help. I’m tired of the sea-saw in my head and it’s my own doing. How stuck is that?
I understand being stuck may be a transitory position, a waiting period. This may not necessarily be a bad thing … but if I am stuck like I say, should I set about getting stuck into it before being stuck with it for life? And, let’s agree, I am stuck today, how long is acceptable?
I sound like, Carrie, in ‘Sex and the City’. Did we actually get any answers from her questions raised, or, was it up to us to workout for ourself? Hmm …
Moving along. I think it’s best I do just that … accept being stuck and move, after all, I’m not a tree, right? I read that somewhere …
‘Sometimes we need to stop analysing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens’Carrie (Sex and the City)